Thursday, December 3, 2009

New adventures and a whole lot of pain.....(it's a long one)

Sorry it's been a while since I last blogged, I got caught up in the goings on with Thanksgiving and then found my creative side, LOL!

So Thanksgiving with my Hubby and children was a blast! Colby came in to our room and had us up at 6am even though Casey and I tried to convince him to go back to sleep. Instead we ended up tickling each other and receiving and giving lots of morning kisses as we lazed about in Mommy and Daddy's bed. This went on until Brynna woke up at 7am, then we finally made our way upstairs. Casey ran out and picked up a Thanksgiving paper and a Mocha for Mommy (I am an addict when it comes to my coffee!), my husband is so awesome. We all sat down to a very yummy breakfast of French toast and bacon made by Casey (did I mention my husband can cook and it's all so delicious!!!).

After breakfast it was just about time for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, so we all settled in to watch. I made my few quick calls to family back in Wisconsin to wish them all a Happy Thanksgiving, and finished up just as the parade came on. Colby and Brynna were fascinated some of the parade, other parts of it they could care less for at this age LOL. Brynna showed us that she is definitely going to be our little dancer, as every time any of the Broadway shows did their numbers she was trying to copy the choreography Casey and I of course gave each other the Holy Crap look, and Casey said, "I guess she won't have a problem with choreography when she gets older!" (We love the show So You Think You Can Dance.) When the Rockettes came on we had to rewind it 3 times for them to watch the girls dance. Brynna was even attempting the high kicks, and well I think Colby might be a leg man like his father LOL! Brynna at one point said "Dance with me Mommy." Of course I had to oblige her so I was up dancing with my children.

Soon it was time for me to hit the shower and get us ready to go to dinner at Aunt Terry's Mom's house. We all got dressed up and headed down. The meal was fantastic and huge! I think Miss Sandy made enough food to feed the Marine Corps, and that was after we were done eating LOL! There was a beef roast, a ham, a pork roast, a turkey (of course), 20 pounds of mashed potatoes, a variety of 4 or more "salads", veggies, stuffing, rolls, cranberries, olives, pickles, green bean casserole, and candied yams! Mind you that doesn't even cover desert which was pumpkin pies, pecan pie, apple pie, and brownies. I was so full, yes I at way too much food. It's an unwritten law that you must stuff yourself on Thanksgiving isn't it? By the time we got home I literally passed out on our love seat. I laid down and was so sound asleep in minutes that Casey couldn't even wake me to say goodnight to the kids at 7pm. After he put the kids to bed he managed to rouse me enough to get me to walk into our bedroom, which I don't remember at all. I woke up at 8:30 and asked him how the heck I had gotten into our room. I was completely wiped out. Wow, I couldn't believe how fully drained I was and my only thought was how am I going to survive Christmas if Thanksgiving did this to me LOL!!!

So that weekend we decorated the house, by which I mean Casey and the kids did most of the decorating. I just mainly sat there and watched them because I was still low on energy and my pain was elevated slightly. End result our house looks gorgeous for the Christmas season. Oh and we did do shopping both Saturday and Sunday for decorations only, I wouldn't get near the mall craziness!!!

Then enters Monday and I get an idea in my head that I just can't shake so guess where I find myself on Tuesday.....out shopping for materials. I had been looking for a nice Stationary gift boxed set, similar to what one of my friends gave me about 7 or 8 years ago. I scoured the net and came up with nothing, it seems the art of hand written correspondence is a dying. Somehow I stumbled across decoupage which is the art of decorating an object by gluing colored paper cutouts onto it in combination with special paint effects, gold leaf and so on. Commonly an object like a small box or an item of furniture is covered by cutouts from magazines or from purpose-manufactured papers. Each layer is sealed with varnishes (often multiple coats) until the "stuck on" appearance disappears and the result looks like painting or inlay work. So I decide to make my own "writing box" and then I can fill it and decorate it to my liking anyway. Well I don't find the materials for my writing box and at first I contemplated building my own wooden box, then scratched that idea figuring that would be a little too over my head for now. (I have a really bad habit of going overboard and over my head, that whole jump without looking think hahaha) So I find this really simple unfinished cigar box and decided to make something out of it to test the waters of decoupage. I also didn't go crazy buying materials as I knew I had a bunch of things that would work from my failed foray into scrapbooking (and I man would it make my Hubby happy if I actually used them hehehe)!

So home I did trot with a determination I hadn't felt in ages, and an adrenaline rush to boot, plus my creative juices were flowing. I set myself up in the garage and set to work on my first piece. I started at about 4pm and was still working when my husband got home at 11pm that night! I was focused and happy creating this box. I loved it. I forgot while I was working that I was sitting in an uncomfortable metal folding chair, I forgot to go out and smoke for the most part (I only had two cigarettes in that time frame!!!), and I forgot about the pain for a little while. I was free for a while in unleashing my creativity. I was in heaven.

When I got up the next morning I was in pain but I ignored it and went to my therapy appointment, then to my friend Julie's. I had a great time there holding the baby for a little while, but I listened to my body and when my arms started to ache I put him in his swing. I tried to be helpful to their candy making efforts by policing the kids a bit. I even listen to my body when I could feel the energy waning in me and said my goodbyes gave hugs, headed home for that nap that my body was telling me I needed. But first I'll just swing by the craft store and pick up the stuff to finish off the box. Yeah an hour later I walk out with not just the stuff to finish my first box but more boxes as well! And that nap, somehow I was in the garage working on the box thinking I'll just get this first coat of paint done and then I'll nap while it dries, sure. And wouldn't you know it the second box 'magically' appeared in my hands and I was painting it while the paint dried on the first box. And that's where I was when the hubby got home at 5pm. I did put things away and went in the house shortly after he got home.

It didn't take long for the pain to set in either. It was horrible and it was bad. I could barely move, I was so stiff and the pain was so bad I was doing my 'old lady shuffle'. All I could think was crap, I haven't been this bad in a while. Casey made dinner and helped me up the stairs, so we shared our evening upstairs and then he helped me back down and we went to bed. I slept horrible, I couldn't get comfortable because of the pain. So when Casey was leaving for work and handing my morning meds, I asked for one of my pain pills. That says enough right there. For me to ask for a pain pill is huge, because I hate them. I hate the way they make me feel, and I usually fight taking them. I have had doctors argue with me to take my pain meds, because I hate them so much. I actually have a doctor who once said, "In today's world I usually have to worry about my patients taking too much of their pain meds, with you I'm having to police whether or not you are actually taking enough or any! You don't want to be in pain yet you won't take the meds that will help the pain at least a little bit! What am I going to do with you!" She just shook her head at me at that point.

I feel like I am not really doing much of anything, I mean what I have done in the last week is really not that much. I know I am not supposed to compare what I am capable of handling now versus what I could do even a year or two ago, but it is really hard not to. How else do I judge the efforts I am putting forth? Even as I write this it astounds me that just the small amount of things I did this last week was enough to send me into excruciating pain. Has my life been reduced to this really? I know that part of this melancholy today is the pain, and when I am hurting this bad I always start down the why me path, the it's not fair, and the this totally sucks path. I hate this disease. I hate what it has done to me, to my family, to every part of my life because there is nothing that has not been affected in some form or another by this.

I just want to end this on a positive note. I am thankful for everyone who reads this blog. I am thankful for my friends and family. I am thankful for Nanny De who has made our lives richer with her wisdom and easier because of her love and care for all of us. I am thankful for my husband who takes care of me and our family. I am thankful for two beautiful amazing children who make my world complete. I am thankful that God loves me and understands even when I get angry with him. I am thankful to have so many compassionate people in my life willing to help and support me through this never ending battle.

No comments:

Post a Comment