Frustrated at 2am.....

It's now well after 2am, it's 2:21am as I begin to write this entry to be exact. My husband has been snoring beside me since 9pm. And I shut off my game of Warcraft around 10:30pm knowing I needed to get to bed. So why am I still up? That is the question of the hour.

The answer to that is multifaceted. It could be the pain my body is in general which is a constant beast I struggle I to conquer but will with time learn to adapt and tolerate. Or possibly the pain in my ankle that still irritates me from the surgery I had to repair the ligaments last month, it's healing nicely but the pain lingers. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that my Temperpedic mattress suddenly feels like it has been reinforced with steel. I cannot get comfortable to save my life. No matter how much I pray for it sleep is not coming.

I feel horrible but I finally start whispering things to my husband to wake him up, and tell him I can't sleep. He tells me he's sorry and we both wish there is something he could do to help me. He asks if I took my night time meds to make sure that isn't what is throwing my system off, and well the answer is yes I remembered. So he does the only thing he can for me he gets up out of a warm bed, trudges out to the garage and grabs me some bottled water. He climbs back in bed just in time for little feet to come pattering down our hallway.

It's 2am and I have just turned on my computer, and the words "Oh crap" are muttered from my mouth just before the door swings open to admit our three and a half year old son, Colby.

"I pooped," he announces.

"He pooped," I say.

"I heard," my husband says. "Were Colby?"

"In my pants, I want you to get the baby wipes Daddy"

"In his pants," I repeat.

"Would you like to take care of this?" my husband says looking at me. Of course Colby didn't want me he wanted Daddy which made me grin. I shouldn't but what can I say it's after 2am and I am a little punchy. I really want to go to sleep.

So my son climbs into bed with us. (We are working on getting him to sleep in his own bed all night long but yeah so far, as you can tell our success rate has not been great!) So now he is snuggled into his Daddy and they are both peacefully asleep while I type a blog about why I am a wake.

The crappy thing is when these insomnia spells hit they throw me off. I get to a point where my sleep schedule gets completely screwed up. It's all so frustrating and irritating! There are times like tonight when I get the urge to throw myself on the floor and throw a temper tantrum like my daughter whose 2, only it would hurt too much in the end! I want to yell how unfair it is that I am sick and that my body hates me. When there are people out there who fake hurting just to get the drugs I HATE taking. (okay I'm not even going to start on that rant tonight! Another post!)

I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!!!!! Please.......



~Mindy